


All the Words I’ve Meant to Say (Shall be Used Against Me)

by AeonTheDimensionalGirl



Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Dark Morgana (Merlin), Deviates From Canon, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Magic Revealed, Morgana Does Not Have Aithusa, Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Post-Season/Series 04, Rescue Missions, Scared Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26673871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonTheDimensionalGirl/pseuds/AeonTheDimensionalGirl
Summary: In the aftermath of her takeover of Camelot, Morgana finds a very interesting document hidden in Arthur’s desk drawer.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939345
Comments: 23
Kudos: 769





	All the Words I’ve Meant to Say (Shall be Used Against Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CupCakezys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupCakezys/gifts).



> **PROMPT No 2. IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY**  
>  “Pick Who Dies” | Collars | **Kidnapped**
> 
>  **Cupz**!!! You made [a fix-it in the tags of a sad post](https://aeonthedimensionalgirl.tumblr.com/post/188889145991/magikalk-no-but-what-if-when-morgana%22) and I just- I loved it so much, and I had to write this, _I had to_

Morgana was in a bad mood.

It’s been two day since the siege, and her foolish, sorry excuse of a brother was still not to be found.

… Again.

Both Agravaine and Helios had reported that Arthur had been seen escaping in the woods alongside Merlin, and honestly to this point Morgana was not surprised, because _of course_ , the stupid go-lucky backstabber bastard was the one who had gotten Arthur out of the citadel-

_Again._

The flower vase resting on the desk shattered in response to her anger.

It turned out to be slightly cathartic for her frustration. It did not make her feel better, but she would have to settle with destroying the forget-me-nots and lavenders in the meantime.

… She could settle with destroying everything in the King’s chambers, actually.

And with a small smile on her face, Morgana settled herself comfortably in Arthur’s desk chair as her magic tore through the room in a whirlwind.

Seeing the chaos in the chamber lifted up her mood greatly. Humming absentmindedly, the sorceress began sorting through the intact papers on the desk.

Grain reports, patrol reports, an unfinished proposal detailing a better tax reduction, another document proposing…. a better educational system for the people?

Morgana couldn’t help the snort. Arthur was Uther’s son in every step of the way and always will be, there was no way he was thinking in how to better improve the lives of the peasants. This proposal was surely just for children from some minor nobles. 

Throwing the papers aside, she began looking through the drawers and-

One wouldn’t budge.

A predatory smile formed on Morgana’s lips as she idly traced the small keyhole that hadn’t been there before.

(And she would know, having snuck many times to Arthur’s room while growing up)

“Brother dear” she purred, “What are you hiding?”

With a small whisper of _“Aliese”_ , the drawer slid open effortlessly-

A stack of letters was the only thing that greeted her, the one on top simply reading _‘Clotpole’_ in Arthur’s handwriting.

The word sounded vaguely familiar, although Morgana could swear that it was an insult Merlin tended to call Arthur.

Curiosity well picked, the sorceress took out the first one, opened it and began to read.

_‘I pray that if these letters ever come to your possession, you won’t think horribly of me when you finish them. I do not mean to, and it will never be my intention, to make you feel uncomfortable in any way. And as I am horrible with expressing my feelings, (just today I wanted to compliment the flower crown Guinevere gave you, and instead of saying how lovely you looked, I called you ridiculous). Writing down my feelings is easier-’_

Had Arthur been playing Gwen all this time?!

He really was just like Uther!

_‘-Since these are the words I’ve always mean to say to you. Sometimes I wish you could read my mind so you would know that when I tell you to shut up, I really want to compliment your gorgeous voice, smile and laugh. If I were a poet I would write lyrics about the beauty of them. Do you have any idea how my pulse quickens when you simply send a smile at me while in a council meeting? Or how many times I’ve nearly ended up with a black eye while training because your laughter is the most distracting sound to ever exist? Merlin-’_

Morgana’s eyes widened.

_‘-Sometimes I tremble when you simply walk into the room. I swear that I do not mean it in a bad way. It’s mostly in anticipation, knowing what will come. You will pull me out of bed with those ridiculous phrases that shouldn’t be so endearing when you say them and I have a sudden urge to just smile and laugh at you when you say something like ‘lazy daisy’ with a different voice tone just to annoy me. I pray that you don’t notice how my pulse quickens when you help me to change my clothes, how your fingers trail looking for creases and leave me feeling slightly breathless, as if you were a thief and robbing me of air with a simple touch-’_

Well, well, well, wasn’t this interesting?

_‘-And, speaking of touch. Has anyone ever told you that your hair shines when the moon gleams at night? It’s as if the stars have come to gently rest upon your raven locks, and I must grip the sheets in order to avoid bringing my hands to touch your hair, to see if it’s as silky as it looks under the moon. It makes you look as if you were a fey creature, ethereal nobility of your own right. When you retire to your rooms, I mourn lacking the courage in asking for you to stay-’_

By the time she has finished reading all the letters, there’s a wolfish grin on Morgana’s face.

This changed _everything_.

* * *

Her defeat by Emrys's hand (because who else had the power to take away her magic?) and subsequent defeat of Helios and fleeing Camelot wounded was enough to make her forget about the love-sick letters in Arthur’s desk.

… Well, almost forget. She quite enjoyed toying with Gwen’s feelings while fighting her. A little whispered word about how Arthur’s heart never belonging to her should be enough for preventing her former maid from becoming the future Queen.

And in the time it took for her wounds to heal (and her magic to return), Morgana planned.

After all, she and patience were old friends.

* * *

It took a year to finally act, and at the end it’s almost too fucking easy.

It started with a letter? Well, her plan would also start the same way.

What a pity that poor Hunith fell gravely ill during the last month of winter, enough for her to be completely bedridden as she began to succumb to the high fever. Her loving son should be with her in her final moments.

Morgana can’t get rid of the gleeful smile on her face as she waits hidden from the main road from Camelot to Ealdor. The anticipation is too great to be dimmed.

And then-

There he was.

Little, pretty, foolish Merlin. Galloping on his horse with distress etched all over his face, followed behind by the poor farmer she had bribed to bring the message.

_“Oferswing”_

It was satisfying seeing Merlin get thrown off his horse and hitting the ground hard. She smiled wider when the sound of a broken bone reached her ears.

Morgana calmly walked towards the servant while watching him whimper and groan with pain.

“Hello, Merlin” she greeted him as if they were back in simpler times.

The boy simply raised his head from his curled position on the ground. Merlin simply stared at her, shock and dizziness in his features, and then to the farmer, who had positioned himself six feet away from them and was avoiding his eyes.

Despite calling Merlin a fool, Morgana knew he was smart. It was almost too funny see him realized he’d been tricked, turning to look back at her with a glare.

“You look horrible” he finally said, giving the sorceress a sardonic yet bloody smile, “Still don’t know how to use a brush without Gwen’s help?”

She kicked him in the ribs for that.

“As much as I would like to keep the idle chit-chat, or simply kill you right now” Morgana replied while ignoring Merlin’s painful gasps, “I’m afraid that’s not the plan at the moment, old friend”

She smirked.

“How long do you think it would take Arthur to rescue the love of his life?”

And with that said, she whispered _“Wáce ierlic”_ just to see the bastard be thrown against the small ridge and tumble down it.

“I- I did what you asked. How about my coi-?”

The sorceress whispered a spell and the man fell silent.

Morgana didn’t even take a look at the farmer’s now fallen corpse as she unhurriedly made her way towards the end of the cliff where Merlin had landed.

She was slightly disappointed to see him still breathing, but it was necessary. At least he was bleeding nicely enough to soak up the red neckerchief around his neck.

Bending down to take the fabric off him, Morgana took out a small note and statue of a crow, incanting an animation spell for her little statue to become her messenger… and Arthur’s subsequent guide towards his doom.

As she watched the crow fly on his way to Camelot with Merlin’s bloody neckerchief and her message, the sorceress couldn’t help the laugh from escaping her.

She always wanted to kill both Merlin and Arthur, and now?

Morgana had the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

* * *

Arthur stared at the note feeling himself on the border with terrified hysteria.

_‘If you want your love back alive, you’ll come alone. And don’t you dare try anything brother dear, or the next thing to be send will be our lovely Merlin’s head. Or perhaps even his ears! I know how fond you are of them’_

Detaching one of his hands from the tight grip on the neckerchief (still trying to ignore that it was soaked with Merlin’s blood), Arthur shakily reached for the locked drawer, unlocking it and searching out the last letter he wrote before Morgana took over Camelot for the second time; eyes scanning his own words with dread.

_‘-I know I’ve mocked you for them, but I really do love your ears. I’ll admit that one of the reasons I like riling you up is to see them turn pink and then red. It makes you look adorable and honestly who gave you the right to look so charming-’_

The King shut his eyes, hiding his face behind his hands.

He should have known. He had found the drawer unlocked when the battle was over. And Guinevere had come to him, livid and asking if he had ever truly been in love with her-

He should have known.

And now Merlin was in Morgana’s hands.

The one thing that really mattered to him above all else-

Exhaling with a shudder, Arthur wiped the tears that had been stinging behind his eyes and turned to face the unnaturally-still crow with grim determination.

“Take me to Merlin”

* * *

Morgana, Arthur thought darkly as he was led through a rock crevice by the crow, had clearly never out-grown her horrible knack for the theatrics.

He had been following the bird since dusk, and since then his only source of light was the pale gleam of the moon. He’d left his horse behind about one candle mark ago.

Despite putting on a brave face all the journey, inside Arthur was terrified. If anything, his sister had proven herself to be borderline unhinged for the past three years, and the longer it took for him to get to Merlin, the more he started to fear that it was too late, or it all been a twisted game from Morgana that will end in the blond finding his beloved’s corpse.

He couldn’t lose Merlin.

He simply couldn’t.

Finally, the King reached something akin to a clearing, only that it was all uneven stone. The crow cried out before flying down near-

Arthur gasped.

Merlin, gagged, bruised and bleeding, lying unconscious on a rock formation that made a crude imitation of a dais. He cradled his left wrist close to his chest, as it looked broken.

The King began running towards him-

“Hello, brother”

And Arthur felt himself fly before his back hit a rock wall.

He wheezed, trying to catch his breath, but before he could, an invisible force dragged him through the rocky and uneven ground until, finally, he collided against a pale imitation of a pillar.

As he laid there groaning in pain and feeling horribly dizzy, Arthur tried to blink out the dark spots in his eyes until he found himself facing the frayed hems of a black dress.

“Nice of you to finally come” Morgana purred, eyes flashing a dark yellow.

Arthur couldn’t bit back the cry of pain that escaped him when he felt his sister’s magic tore throughout his body until he was left kneeling in front of her, hands bound behind his back by an invisible force that was borderline uncomfortable, preventing him from reaching for Excalibur.

Morgana simply smirked down at him. Arthur glared.

“Let him go”

“I think not” his sister sounded amused, “There are things to be discussed”

And that being said, she walked towards his beloved, whispering a spell.

For a moment, the blond feared that Morgana had done something to hurt him more, but then Merlin shifted briefly before opening his eyes with effort, clearly disoriented thanks to his wounds and the dark of the night.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Merlin” Morgana greeted in a pleasant tone, “Look, we have a guest”

Azure eyes widened when they met Arthur’s.

He watched as Merlin tried speaking against the gag while shakily trying to get up, wincing as he jostled his broken wrist.

“Ah, ah, ah” Morgana said, eyes once again glowing yellow. Arthur watched with horror how Excalibur flew over to Merlin until the tip rested at his throat, “Don’t even think about it” she added as she forced Merlin to take a kneeling position under sword point.

Both men shared a look. Merlin looked scared, but he also sported a look of bravery. Arthur smiled. That was his idiot.

“You know, in the time it took you to get here, I took a little nap” Morgana said, breaking the silence to share the fact as if they were still friends, “And you know what I dreamed about? You, marrying Merlin”

She laughed cruelly as she revealed it, turning to stare down at Merlin, who was glaring at her with all his might. 

“Funny little vision. You were in red, and he was in blue” she paused to throw Arthur a smirk, “What was it that you wrote in those letters? Ah yes, _‘Merlin should wear blue and only blue. It brings out the beauty of his eyes and overall fair complexion’_. You certainly had a hand in dressing him for the occasion didn’t you?”

Merlin was now looking utterly confused, looking back and forth at the two Pendragon siblings while Arthur felt mortified at the fact that a) Morgana had fucking memorized his writings, and b) She was revealing them.

Morgana gleefully turned to look at her prisoner.

“Oh, that’s right! Merlin, you don’t know about the love letters my dear brother has written you, do you?” she grasped him by the chin, laughter just bubbling out of her voice, “Dozens, Merlin. Dozens and dozens of lovesick, unsent letters in which Arthur finally decides to vent his feelings for you. They’re disgustingly adorable”

Arthur wanted to scream at her to stop, but he was horrified to discover that he couldn’t speak.

The blond met azure eyes that were suddenly brimming with tears, and his beloved tried to say something, but the damn rag around his mouth muffled it.

And yet, his face said it all.

Merlin did not look disgusted or uncomfortable at Arthur, as he always feared. There was a glimmer of hope and love in his eyes, and the King felt some sort of whiplash when he realized that he’d caught Merlin looking at him like that many times before.

Oh.

_Oh._

Arthur gave his dear friend a bittersweet smile as his sister finally stopped laughing.

“Take a good look at him, brother dear” Morgana whispered, a gleam in her eyes, “It will be the last thing you ever see”

The world seemed to slow down.

Morgana began to chant a spell clearly meant to end his life.

Arthur searched for Merlin, distressed and with stray tears running down his face, still trying to cry out against the rag.

Morgana finished incanting the spell.

Merlin screamed.

And the world exploded in gold.

For a moment, Arthur thought himself dead, as he laid with his back on the stone ground, feeling… safe and warm? As if he were being cradled by the golden light.

Blinking, he noticed with shock that he was no longer bound by his sister’s magic and-

The King breathed sharply.

Merlin was rushing towards him.

Eyes a lustrous gold.

There was a moment of shocked silence between both Pendragons as Merlin reached Arthur and stood protectively in front of him.

“Emrys”

Morgana broke the tense air, her whisper nearly lost with the wind.

The blond vaguely recognized the name, and felt his mouth open wide in shock once he finally registered.

_Oh gods-_

Merlin curtly nodded.

The sorceress erupted in mad laughter.

“I should have known” she sneered, “Who else would have chosen to side with Uther Pendragon’s son?”

“The way I’ve seen it” Merlin replied in a cold voice that sent shivers down Arthur’s spine, “You’re more your father’s child than Arthur”

Morgana let out a screech and sent a spell towards Merlin, who despite still sporting injuries and a broken wrist, deflected it effortlessly.

And in the blink of an eye, it had become the first magic battle Arthur ever witnessed: Morgana’s eyes glowing that dark yellow the King had come to associate with all things evil, and Merlin’s shinning with golden starlight, which Arthur was starting to realize that belonged to a world it’s beauty he’d (foolishly) never bothered to learn.

A particular loud bang sent him flying backwards once again, and the only reason why he didn’t crack his skull open was because his head was cushioned by Merlin’s warm magic.

They exchanged looks for a fleeting moment. Merlin seemed to ask _‘Are you alright?’_ before he broke the staring in order to avoid a fire blast from smiting him on the spot, and the ensuring sound that came from the flame meeting a shield sent another bang that left the blond feeling horribly dizzy.

Groaning as he tried to gather his bearings, Arthur noticed Excalibur lying a few feet away from him.

Checking that Morgana was still distracted with Merlin, he crawled towards the sword, the inscription that Gaius had translated to _‘Cast me away’_ gleaming faintly in the moonlight.

A crash behind Arthur brought his attention back to the fight between the two magic users, and discovered to his horror for Merlin to be withering on the ground in pain as Morgana grinned in victory.

“NO!”

He charged at the sorceress, who simply turned to look at him once he was close enough in order to make him stumble back, but not before throwing Excalibur near a heaving Merlin.

“Really, Arthur? You thought a simple sword was enough to guaranty victory?” Morgana asked in a bored tone.

She didn’t noticed Merlin getting up and grabbing Excalibur.

“Not really” Arthur coolly admitted, “But it makes a good distraction”

Morgana frowned, startling when Merlin pressed the sword to her back. She turned to look at him, amused.

“It will not work” she boasted with confidence, “I am a High Priestess of the Old Religion, no mortal blade can kill me”

Merlin leveled her with a look that seemed to border on pity.

“This is no mortal blade”

And drove the sword through Morgana’s stomach.

Arthur didn’t know how to feel as he watched her be led gently towards the ground by Merlin. He just felt overcome with a sense of numbness witnessing his sister give her last breath.

It was over.

Slowly, Merlin turned around to face the King, face etched with anguish.

And then, he dropped to his knees, bowing down and offering Excalibur to him.

“Arthur” Merlin whispered, an arm clutching his stomach and his broken wrist cradled close to his chest, “My King… all I ever wanted in life was to find a purpose with the magic I was born with. I finally found it with you, and I never waited for a reward except for your friendship. I did not mean to fall in love with you, and yet when I realized I had-” he cut himself off with a sob, “I- I use it for you. Only for you. It’s yours; my life, my magic and my love”

For a moment, Arthur could only stare at him.

The most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth, willingly kneeling at the feet of a man who’s been prejudiced against his kind since he could remember, leaving himself at his mercy and judgment for the crime of simply existing.

The feeling of betrayal was never going to settle with the King.

Merlin let out a squeak when Arthur fell to his knees, placed Excalibur on the ground and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

“You’re the only friend I have, and I couldn’t bear to lose you” he recited the words spoken in two years ago at the tunnels in Ealdor on Merlin’s ear, “Magic or not magic, I can’t bare losing you. I love you-” he pulled back slightly to stare at teary azure eyes, “-And if you’re willing to give me some time, and clear my questions with true answers, I’m believe I will come to love your magic as well”

 _“Although I’m already quite smitten with it”_ he thought for himself, remembering the golden starlight shining in his love’s eyes.

“You’re really not mad?” Merlin croaked as Arthur gently wiped away his tears.

“If anything it explains a lot of things”

“You don’t know the things I’ve done” the raven whispered, shame in his features.

“You can share them when you feel ready to do so”

“… Mind if I share one now?

“I stand on my promise”

“I have a dragon. Two, actually, a baby dragon and the other one was kind of inherited” Merlin said in a rush, avoiding his eyes, “I’m a Dragonlord. Balinor was my father”

Arthur felt like he needed some wine.

“This really explains a lot” he murmured dryly, before something registered, “Wait, Balinor?!”

Merlin nodded, face sad.

Arthur pulled him into a hug once again, mind reeling.

He was definitely going to need wine in hand when Merlin decided to tell his other stories.

“Was it true? What Morgana said about the letters?” his love mumbled in a shy tone against his shoulder.

Arthur slowly nodded.

“Would-” he gulped, “Would you like to read them?”

Merlin pulled away slightly to stare at him.

“Yes” he whispered with a smile that turned coy, “The words you’ve always meant to say? I always knew that clotpole brain of yours had some saving”

“Well, I always knew you weren’t entirely an idiot”

“Did not”

“Did too!” he laughed, wiping away the hairs on Merlin’s forehead that were caked with dried blood, “You’re a physician apprentice, you must have some form of intellect for that”

“Speaking of a physician” Merlin winced, and the blond noticed with alarm that he was quite pale, “I really need Gaius right now”

“Don’t you have magic, _Mer_ lin?”

“I seemed to reach my limit to healing spells. Even more if it’s to be used on me”

Arthur could only shake his head, but he still ripped out two slices of his tunic to use as makeshift bandages, securing one on the broken wrist (with the help of a recently transformed pieces of rock to wooden planks) and the other one around Merlin’s head.

“Wait” his beloved said before they began to leave the clearing, turning towards Morgana’s corpse.

Merlin chanted a small incantation, and Arthur watched, mesmerized, as his fallen sister slowly disappeared from the ground and was replaced with a flower bed of chrysanthemums.

“You can rest now” Merlin whispered.

“Goodbye, Morgana” Arthur murmured, eyes stinging, “I hope you find peace in Avalon”

And that being said, the King took his sorcerer into his arms, mindful of his injuries, and left the clearing behind, guided by the rising dawn.

* * *

As they journeyed back to Camelot on the horse and with Merlin resting peacefully in his arms, Arthur believed that perhaps that vision Morgana spoke about in her taunt could come true.

He was no seer, but as he glanced to look at his lover, it was incredibly easy to picture him dressed in the finest clothes money could buy; a blue cloak embroidered with stars as golden as his eyes and a silver crown resting upon his head.

Merlin’s eyes opened briefly, and Arthur took the opportunity to press a light kiss on his lips.

One day.

Soon.

**Author's Note:**

>  ~~This only me took me… what? Almost a year to finally write it?😆~~
> 
> Anyway I saw the prompt and I knew this was the perfect opportunity❤️


End file.
